A Few Quick Thoughts on the Fastest Man Alive

"Look out, old chum, those banana peel traps could only be the work of Grodd!" "Holy ape-feces, Flash!" 

In honor of the new Flash series, I'm sharing an old bit of photoshop fun. And a few thoughts on the show. 

As a long-time fan of the Scarlet Speedster, for the most part, I enjoy the new incarnation of the Flash. The Barry depicted here is giving me a Spider-Man vibe, in a good way. He's young, science geek who enjoys the thrill of his powers. The show looks great, and they're wasting no time in getting to the super-villainy. I'm waiting for them to get past the plain-clothes freak-of-the-week and full on costumes, but considering we got a glimpse of the Reverse Flash and had references to Grodd and Crisis on Infinite Earths were referenced in the pilot, I can assume it's only a matter of time. The Flash has a rogues gallery second only to Batman's or Spider-Man's, and I'm looking forward to seeing them in action. 

The show is not without its growing pains, however. I hope they can solve the problem of the fight scenes. As in how can a man who can dodge bullets not get out of getting taken down by a couple of guys punching and kicking at him. It's an internal logic inconsistency that I'll ignore for a while, but will be unable to give a pass to forever. 

The Flash, as a show, is much more sure of what it is than Gotham. Where Gotham walks the line between crime drama with superhero references and full-on comic-book show. I like that the show is not shying away from its comic book roots.

I'm enjoying it, and looking forward to see how it's going to unfold. And while, my nerd ire was raised when I first saw the costume, I realize it's a hollow and worthless complaint.* So for now, "Run, Barry, run!" 

"I'm running! I'm running!"

The photoshop work above is something that I had kicked around one evening. Again, it's from a place in the vin diagram where comic book nerdery, too much free time and knowledge of photoshop overlap. Enjoy!

*Seriously, though, I am not a fan of the show's super-suit. Too fiddly, too bulky, and it does not read as fast. Okay, I'll stop now. 

#96, Lineage, Voyager, Season 7, Episode 12

"You don't have to bring a Bat'leth to every argument, you know." — Tom Paris

Our second episode of Voyager in the countdown of the Top 100 Episodes of Trek, and the second one that is Klingon-centric.

Your enjoyment of this episode is entirely dependent on whether or not you like the characters of Tom and B'Elanna. Because pretty much all this episode is, is a character study of those two and their relationship. Particularly B'Elanna, and her self-loathing of her Klingon half.

Your milage may vary, but, I like them enough to find this episode really interesting.

B'Elanna discovers she's pregnant and upon her medical exam, comes to find that there's a complication with the pregnancy. The child has a degenerative spinal disease, passed down from her Klingon side. The Doctor can alter the child's DNA, removing the Klingon genomes causing the disease. And once she realizes that she can remove any trace of her Klingoness from her child, B'Elanna goes to a dark, dark place.

For someone who has always struggled with their mixed heritage, everything B'Elanna went through as a child — her being ostracized for her alien half, her feeling guilt for her father leaving her and her mother — she projects onto her unborn child. Her solution is extreme, to the have the Doctor rewrite the child's entire gene sequence and remove any trace of Klingon. When she learns that doing so would potentially change her daughter's personality, and entire being, B'Elanna pushes anyway. And when the Doctor refuses, B'Elanna goes so far as to reprogram the Doctor to comply (the implications of which is terrifying).

In addition predicting cellphones with the communicator, Trek also predicted the selfie? 

What they're talking about in this is the ethics of genetically modifying a child in the womb before birth. How far can you change someone before they stop being themselves? How far is too far? Where is that line? Who decides where that line is? What say does the father have? The questions proposed is not a subtle one. And, let's be clear, the episode is heavy-handed for sure. But they're tough questions. B'Elanna's diving into dangerous waters, tampering with the DNA of her child with unknown consequences, changing the fundamental personality of one of her shipmates to get what she wants.

The episode demands more of Dawson and McNeill as actors than perhaps any other Voyager episode. Are they up to the task? I'm going to say, mostly. Dawson's B'Elanna usually doesn't have more to do than growl in frustration and stomp around engineering. Granted, she does occasionally smile. But here... she pushes herself as a performer to make B'Elanna's plight sympathetic, and not just, well, crazy. McNeill has to set aside his imitation-Kirk-swagger to try and convince B'Elanna not only of the beauty of their child, but her own beauty. Their relationship has felt forced at times (I even recall an episode where the impetus for their relationship may have been the alien influence), but here it comes across as honest. Tom does love her. He does believe that B'Elanna is beautiful, not despite of but because of her Klingon side. Because it's who she is, and he loves who she is.

There's some klunkiness as the episode finds other things for the rest of the crew to do. Neelix wants to be the godfather. The Captain weighs in on the fact that she can't really weigh in because it's a family matter, and the other crew. Seven of Nine recognizes the irregularities in the doctor's program. Chakotay exists.

I'm wracking my brain to think of another episode of any Trek that is strictly a character study with no subplot to speak of. You could count the flashbacks of B'Elanna's childhood, but those tie directly to her emotional state in the rest of the story (again, this episode was not subtle). There's no exterior threat. Nothing external making the characters act out of character. No 'B' plot to speak of. Just taking these two characters, putting them in a moral conflict and seeing what happens.

And that's awesome.

--

Next up, the Next Gen with The Most Toys.

#97, Borderland, Cold Station 12, and The Augments, Enterprise, Season 4, Episodes 4-6

Hm.... Data, some genetically augmented humans aboard a Klingon ship? Not entirely sure what's happening...

So, let's cut to it. One of my issues Enterprise as a prequel (as with most prequels) is I always felt one step ahead of the characters on the show. I know what Klingons are, so there's no mystery. I know what Orions, Andorians, Romulans, and Tellarites are, so there's no mystery. Oh, the crew is afraid of transporters? Don't worry, they figure that out. Your ship can only go warp 5, and that's a big deal? They get past that.

As an excuse for setting the series in the past, I never really found the 'temporal cold war' that compelling. I felt like the whole show was boldly going to places that I've seen. And changing the nomenclature to 'fire phase cannons' and 'polarize the hull plating' doesn't fundamentally change the action from 'fire phasers' and 'raise shields.'

It's almost as if Enterprise's sole purpose was to pay homage to the Trek that came before it, with a painfully self-satisfied nod is that this took place before The Original Series. Enterprise is practically winking at the audience when they reference things like the prime directive, or, the Mirror, Mirror universe, or, when — and I can't believe I'm typing this — they faced the Borg.

They. Faced. The. Borg.

For. The. Grock. Of. God.

But the show is not without its positives. The production design is flat-out great, striking a great balance of futuristic-and-retro. The cast is fairly solid. Phlox's optimism and curious nature is damned charming. It's enjoyable, but seemed far more interested in the exploring the minutia of the Trek universe than looking outside of what's been done.

To that point, these three episodes feel like a crazy mix-tape of the Trek that have come before it. Klingon Birds of Prey, fight scenes, transporter shenanigans, Orion slave girls, genetic super humans, speeches about doing the right thing, firing torpedoes, sacrifice, Brent Spiner, and a whole lot of Wrath of Khan.

I mean, a whoooooooole lot. Like, down to the mullets and the ragged post-apocalyptic clothing.  Seriously, can super-intelligent supermen and superwomen not find clothes that make them look like a homeless hair-metal band? Seriously? Because, it appears that they cannot.

The plot revolves around a bunch is supposedly badass super soldiers, known as Augments, looking to assert their rightful place as supreme rulers of humanity. Freeing their creator, their 'Father,' Dr. Soong from prison, they set out to recover the augments embryos and create an ARMY OF GENETICALLY ENHANCED SUPERMEN! This should have been followed maniacal laughter in the show, but somehow, sadly, it wasn't.

And Brent Spiner is chewing so much scenery, I'm surprised there's any set left. But he's having a great time and it shows. He's the bright spot in these shows. And it's great to see him on screen again in an episode of Trek, even if it is some kind of 'Data's-creator's-grandfather' sort of way.

"Yes, tell me more about me and how great I am."

The first of these episodes has a fair amount of action that takes us from an assault on a Klingon ship, to an Orion slave auction, to Dr. Soong pulling a fast one to get back to his 'children.' There's a lot of talk about enhancing humanity because it's the right thing to do, and/or just because we can. Dr. Soong, though their creator is still a normal human and has a conflict with the leader of the Augments, the one with the mullet and the Khan-complex (oh, hell, that's all of them).

By midway through the second episode in the trilogy, it starts to drag on, and the action looses steam. They spend a serious amount of time trying to get the Augment embryos, and torturing some poor character actor to get them. And they seem to have the same conversation over and over again about the pros and Khans of genetic engineering.

I am completely sorry about that. I sometimes I cannot help myself.

The Augment decides to get the Federation off their backs by inciting a war with the Klingons with a weapon that would eradicate all life on one of their colonies. Coming from someone who is supposed to be super-intelligent, it's a dumb, convoluted plan that requires on a lot of luck and circumstance to pull off.

Archer gets his ass kicked, because he is not a super-human, but never gives up. Soong has a change of heart and helps the Enterprise crew take out his creations. Augments' Bird of Prey goes down in a fireball of torpedoey explosions. In the end, these episodes are an enjoyable, but it's far more interested in patting itself on the back for rewarding the audience for what they already know than taking them somewhere new.

One day, the shadow of Wrath of Khan will pass over Star Trek, but not this day.

--

Next up, more genetically augmented ethics questions from Voyager's seventh season with 'Lineage.'

Yay, ethics!

#98 "Paradise" Deep Space Nine, Season 2, Episode 15

Deep Space Nine makes it's first entry in io9's list of Top 100 Episodes of Star Trek, and the result is kinda... well, meh...

The face of homeopathic evil... 

Now, I like DS9, but will admit it took a while for it to find its legs. Like TNG, it's a few seasons before the show figurea out what it is and what makes it different. Not only did it debut immediately in the shadow of Next Gen at the height of its power, it also had Babylon 5 to deal with. Babylon 5, another science fiction show that launched at the same time also set aboard a space station, was, in many ways, god-fucking-awful. Seriously, it was not my thing.

Deep Space Nine takes a lot of flack among Trek fans, and for reasonable reasons. When it debuted, it didn't feel like Trek. The crew was stationary aboard a space station not really boldly going anywhere. There was a lot of politics going on. A major through-line in the show revolved around religion. The further it went along, the more serial and less episodic it became. It was a physically and psychologically darker show. The sets were alien and unfamiliar in design.

But, it was interesting. There was a lot to like. It was told from the point of view of a damaged man finding purpose again. It was the only Trek where the crew didn't get along.  The crew wasn't the paragons of the Federation, best-of-the-best-of-the-best-of-the-Flagship. They were complex. The villains turned out to be a totalitarian anti-Federation driven by their own Manifest Destiny in conquering the Galaxy. If the Enterprise the was the Shining Beacon of the Federation, Deep Space Nine was its shadow.

I like Sisko a lot. And, man, did Avery Brooks know how to chew scenery with a speech like a boss. I like Miles, Dax, and (mostly) Bashir. Hell, I even like Quark. And if the show did nothing else, it solidified Worf as an bonafide legend.

This episode, granted one of the better ones from the first two seasons, still isn't anything to really write home about. Yet, here I am writing about it mostly because my inherent OCD demands I complete the list. Stupid, broken brain.

Now, on to "Paradise."

Uh... It's not bad...

Okay, so Sisko and Chief O'Brien beam down to a planet where colonists have found a simpler life. A technobabble field prevents them from using their advanced technology and have formed a commune led by a woman named, Alixus. As they explore the village, they come to realize that the village is a cult, and Alixus is their undisputed leader. She has decided that the colonists have lost what it means to be human. What it means to work for what they have. What it means to get back in touch with nature. She is a philosopher, and a former scientist who has embraced her fate as someone who has been forced to live a simpler life.

As they explore the village and there are some chinks in the armor. Folk medicines are used instead of modern medical practices. Sisko and O'Brien are dismissive of the concept of the villagers turning their backs on medicine for more homeopathic solutions. They're baffled by the villagers discouraging them from trying to solve their problems through science. People are pushed to the brink of exhaustion. Disobedience is not an option (unless you like being put in a metal box on a hot day). And anyone who questions Alixus, is, well...

"What's in the boooooooox" — Sisko

As O'Brien looks for a means to contact their Runabout, he gets caught. Apparently looking for a way to disable the technobabble field to use technology again is verboten. Sisko, as O'Brien's CO is punished in his stead. And punishment means getting put in the sweatbox. Sisko goes for days without water in the brutal heat. He's let out for a reprieve and is given a choice. And all Sisko has to do is denounce his uniform, his oath to the Federation, and his principles for a glass of water and acceptance of the society.

Sisko crawls back in the box, presumably to die, rather than give Alixus what she wants — subjugation. It's a great moment, and speaks volumes about who Sisko is, and what his ideals mean to him. If there's any reason why this episode is on this list, it's this beat. Because, it's awesome.

Ultimately, I feel like the casting of the Alexis was fairly weak, and never really found her interesting as a threat. Some of the ideas presented are more interesting than the execution. It's heavy-handed in it's science versus anti-science conversation (if you can call it that). There's the notion that this is the Nth time that Star Trek has found a utopia that wasn't. And, I feel like they had a good half-hour spread too thin over 44 minutes.

When Sisko and O'Brien are saved by a rescue party, Alixus is revealed to have orchestrated the crash that marooned the colonists. She's revealed to have purposefully marooned unsuspecting people because her way of life is better, and by hook or by crook, she was going to prove it. And when she's dragged off for her crimes, some of the villagers choose to stay and continue the live the life they've built under her philosophy. It speaks to the power of cult of personality. Which might be another reason why this episode is on this list.

Like I said, not my favorite episode of the series — that would be either 'Far Beyond the Stars' or 'In the Pale Moonlight,' to be reviewed later in the countdown. But like DS9 itself is interesting, there are some interesting questions raised in the episode.

That, at least, is very true to its Trek heritage.

--

Next up on io9's list... oh, crap, it's a three-part Enterprise tale of genetic augmentation...  Borderland, Cold Station 12 and The Augments...

Three episodes? How is that fair, io9?

Stupid, broken, OCD brain.

Crap...

And Now... The Wolverine!

So, even though all of the entries so far have been trek-related, this blog is not entirely devoted to Star Trek. I do have other nerd-related interests. Like, for example, here's what happens when the vin diagram of too much free time, a love of comics, and knowledge of photoshop overlaps.

Hulk Smash Puny Free Time!

Anyway... here's the infamous cover of Hulk #181 cobbled together from images from the interwebs... Enjoy!

#99, "Day of the Dove" or "How I learned to stop worrying and love the Klingons"

"Don't let the weird makeup, my eyebrows, my shiny shirt and me wearing table runner as a sash fool you. I'm a complete, and utter badass." – Kang

So, here's my dark confession as a Trek fan... don't hate me... I have never really connected with the Original Series. Could be that I grew up in a place where the reruns didn't run. Or that my first exposure to the original cast was the interminably boring The Motion Picture. Or that I freaked out at the parasite scene in Wrath of Khan. Or maybe it was the first actual TV episode of Star Trek I ever saw was a Next Generation episode.

I have trouble looking past the production values. The sets, costumes, models, and effects have, shall we say, not aged well. It's a definitely a product of its time. That's not to say I don't appreciate the show. I've come to love some episodes, (more on them as they come up in the list), and but it's never been my Trek.

Okay, I'll stop now. I think you get where I'm coming from, but...

But...

But here's the thing about 'Day of the Dove." It's badass. It wastes no time in getting to the conflict between Kirk and Klingons. Kirk and party land on a decimated colony with no clue as to what happened to the colonists. Not even a hint that they were ever there. Hundreds dead. Everyone seems on edge as a strange ball of energy hovers just out of sight. Then who decides to show up? The Klingons. Their ship is immediately disabled and begins to drift. The Klingons beam down, give Kirk a swift beatdown, — a beam down, beatdown — and Kang, their leader, steps up with Kirk.

Now, Kang is a bad motherfucker. His battleship has been mysteriously taken down without the Enterprise ever firing a shot. Hundreds of his crew, Klingon warriors all, are dead. He's only got a handful of soldiers left, and he just says to Kirk, "Hey, you know what? Your ship? The one full of perfectly fine, not-dead officers, and a complete arsenal of Photon torpedoes and phaser? It's mine now and you're a prisoner of the Empire. Oh, and our two societies, the Federation and the Empire? We're at war now, because you're a dick." No ship to back that up. No army to get his back. He's got, like, five guys with him. That, my friends, takes space balls. Kang is completely metal.

And that's just the in cold open. "Day of the Dove" does not fuck around. Not at all.

In in the following posturing (both sides claim to have been lure to the planet by a perhaps non-existent distress call) Kirk tells Kang to "Go to the Devil." Which is an odd thing to say, but Kang's reply is nothing short of awesome. "We have no devil, Kirk, but we understand the habits of yours." Then proceeds to tell Kirk how he's going to torture Kirk and his crew to death. Which means Kang has studied his enemies. He's smart. Physically, he looms over Kirk. The episode does a fine job of presenting the Klingon Commander as not only Kirk's equal and darker shadow, but perhaps even his superior.

Then the weirdness starts. Chekov accuses the Klingons of murdering a brother he doesn't have. Later, when a fight aboard the Enterprise breaks out, swords magically appear. And everyone seems to be suuuuuper pissed. And no one can die, apparently. When Kang cuts out life support, it restores itself. Injured crew members are miraculously healed, so they can continue to fight.

In complete contrast to "Bride of Chaotica!," "Day of the Dove" is a dark episode. Mara, wife of Kang and badass in her own right, accuses the Federation of having concentration camps and experimenting on prisoners before they're executed. Chekov tries to, uh, force himself upon Mara before getting punched out by Kirk. Everyone has staight-up murder on their mind. Everyone is completely paranoid. Scotty slips in the f-word under his breath. Even Spock, after being called a half-blood freak confesses, "May I say that I have not thoroughly enjoyed serving with Humans?" Even Spock is on edge!

Wh-what's happening!?

Hey, remember that strange ball of energy? Turns out its an alien or something that feeds on hatred and violence. Not sure, how or why (it's never really explained), but it does. It's go the power to warp reality and manipulate the minds of these lesser beings and feeding off the conflict between the crew and the Klingons. It's goading them to fight, so it can feed on their delicious, delicious anger. It's Kirk who figures out how to defeat the unnamed, super-powerful alien energy being.

See, Kirk's the man.

Despite my above unloading of not being able to connect to the Original Series, I will acknowledge that Kirk is awesome. It's Kirk, not Spock, who proves he's the smartest man in the room by piecing the clues together. It's Kirk, not Spock, who pushes through his emotion to over come the alien influence. It's Kirk, not Spock, who has the answers. It's Kirk who chooses the difficult path of convincing his most hated enemy, that the only course of action is peace. Because the only way to defeat the alien influence is for Kirk to convince Kang to work together in friendship and good tidings to weaken the alien enough to break free.

Fighting is easy. Getting a Klingon warrior hellbent on murdering you to be your pal? Now, that's a challenge. That's why Kirk is captain, and Spock is just the Exposition Officer.

"What's so funny? Also, what's 'funny?'"— Spock

Despite the sets, costumes, models, and effects, this episode is pretty awesome. If "Day of the Dove" had been my introduction to the Original Series instead of The Motion Picture, I might have an entirely different perspective on the first generation crew of the Enterprise.

--

Next up, a trip to Deep Space Nine with "Paradise."

#100, "Bride of Chaotica!" Voyager, Season 5, Episode 12

'End every sentence with an exclamation point!'

I'm glad we're kicking this countdown off with an episode that I love. I mean, I love this episode.

So, you have no idea how much I hope that this was someone's first episode ever of Star Trek. Because I am fascinated by the idea of someone with no context for this show, it's characters, premise, history, or clue of what was going on, trying to parse out what was happening in "Bride of Chaotica!" Because through that lens, this episode is completely batshit. Ridiculously fun, but completely batshit.

Now, we're talking about "Bride of Chaotica!," the twelfth episode from Voyager's fifth season. It's a holodeck-gone-wrong episode. But instead of the fictional characters from the holodeck becoming sentient and running amok, we have aliens made of light from the fifth dimension in an all-out war with... you know what? If you haven't seen it, none of this is going to make any sense whatsoever. So, let's take a step back.

But first, let's assume two things. One, that you've got some familiarity with Trek in general and Voyager in specific.

Tom Paris and Harry Kim are playing a holodeck program modeled after a 1930s scifi serial where Captain Proton defends earth from evil forces of Dr. Chaotica from Planet X. Paris, playing the black-and-white hero, while in the process of fighting the evil doctor bent on nothing short of galactic domination, discovers an anomaly opening a hole to another reality opens up in the holodeck. This causes Voyager to be caught dead in it's tracks and unable to escape. Beings from the anomaly bleed into the program with the intent on making contact with our reality. But because their 'photonic' entities, they mistake the holodeck program for reality. And because Chaotica is eeeeevil, he will settle for nothing short of total domination of the fifth dimension. Chaotica's fake forces start murdering the visitors from the fifth dimension. Murdering them. A program designed to be the cartoonish villain in a pulp serial is straight-up killing these aliens, because in the holodeck, his weapons made of holograms are lethal to the beings made of light. The aliens don't realize that Chaotica is a character in a program, because he, like them, is made of light and energy, and they interpret him as a real person. And from their perspective, a crazy person with a powerful arsenal of death rays, is blasting the bejeezus out of them from behind an impenetrable lightning shield. I'm not going to lie, it's awesome.

In fact, my favorite scene is where Paris, Captain Proton himself, tries to explain the situation to Janeway. They can't stop the program for some technobabble reason, they can't move the ship for some other technobabble reason. And the only way to stop the war and save the new beings is for the crew to embrace the madness of the program, with the Doctor presenting himself as the President of Earth and Captain Janeway taking on the role of Arachnia, Queen of the Spider people, in an attempt to distract Chaotica while Paris and team take down his death ray and save Planet X, Earth, the Aliens and sanity. It's actually much crazier than I'm describing.

And it's kind of wonderful.

It's loopy, goofy, surreal, and, well, it's undeniably fun. It's bombastic and fantastically over the top.  They've dipped into the Captain Proton universe before in a couple episodes as a throw-away gag, but here they embrace the goofiness of the premise and throw caution to the wind.

I've always wanted to like Voyager more than I do, but it's always hit or miss for me. But here, it hits. They're taking a chance on something silly. Something that could have easily been a disaster of epic proportions. And in lesser hands it might have been.

This episode comes to us from Bryan Fuller, who has story credit and shares writing credit with Michael Taylor. Fuller is one of my favorite people working in television. He's a left-of-center storyteller with credits that include the magnificent Wonderfalls, Pushing Daisies, Dead Like Me, the interesting if flawed reboot of the Munsters, Mockingbird Lane, and the utterly, completely badass Hannibal. Seriously, Hannibal is about as far from Bride of Chaotica as you could possibly get and still come from the same brain.

Trek, in all of its television incarnations, has always experimented with different forms of storytelling. Different formats, different framing devices, different perspectives. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Trek at it's heart, is about exploring. And here, they're definitely pushing themselves outside their comfort zone. This episode embraces its premise with both arms and never lets go.

For that, I am grateful.

--

Next up, Klingons, Kirk, and Spock in "Day of the Dove." 

100 Episodes of Fun!

Okay, so, here's a new insomnia project for me. Recently io9 posted a list of the Top 100 Star Trek Episodes of All Time. And though I disagreed with some on the list, ('Darmok' in the top ten, reeeeeeallly?), and a few I had not seen (I'm looking at you Star Trek: The Animated Series), I thought it might be a fun exercise to watch all of these episodes and share some thoughts. Know in advance, that I love Trek a great deal, but it is not sacred to me.

So, if you're willing to come along and play, let's start with #100, from Voyager's 5th season, Episode 12, 'Bride of Chaotica.'